Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize