I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Randomize
