I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
