My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
