a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
