Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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