My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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