Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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