Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize