Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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