my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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