How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
