It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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