So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
