"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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