My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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