Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Damn victory sex feels great
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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