He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
