wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
