Porn is love you can see.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
