just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
