oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm at about main and main street
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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