Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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