i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
why is half of my head shaved?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
