just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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