ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
