I am midnight drunk by noon
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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