the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
