OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
