I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
