my shit smells like andre
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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