I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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