The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
