well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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