ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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