so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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