Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
