I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
