There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
