I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
