once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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