He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
