i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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