So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
