oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
