So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
