god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
