My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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