He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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