If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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