You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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