U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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