One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
