I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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