Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My life is pants optional.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize