I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
