Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
