Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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