remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
