you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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