he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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