I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
