He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
