In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
