Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
