Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
